Another day. Another set of morning pages. In a coffee shop. Waiting on my breakfast burrito. Kinda cold in here. Should have ordered a hot coffee instead of a cold brew.
Sun is beaming in and glancing across the void that is my pupil. The visual effect is more distracting than interesting. No real reason to write about it. I’ve learned to not type facing into the sun, as I cannot see the screen when it’s backlit by that much light.
The room is very dark, generally, so this time of day is surprisingly bright, an eastward alignment set perfectly to fill the caver-like environment with the stuff of life. First the place fills with employees. A few early birds shuffle in quickly after, fiending for a fix of caffeine. The light streams in from the tree line first. Filtered and dappled. As it rises the dapples turn to glories, beams and finally a complete block of warm light through the cold air, above the trees.
Been doing some meditations lately to work on my self esteem. Some would argue it doesn’t need work, but I know me. The meditation track encourages me to consider three things before going to bed. First, I need to consider a shining highlight from my day and enjoy some gratitude about it. Second, I need to think about one thing I’m really looking forward to in the next day. Finally, I need to think about something I would like to dream about overnight.
I’ve heard the instruction several times, but it’s kinda cruel to put a list of instructions into a meditation track. I’m supposed to be breathing – not taking notes.
Anyhow, I finally got the instructions written down yesterday, and last night I reviewed each item mentally. I was grateful for a coffee meeting with one of my most enduring friends. I forget what I was looking forward to today. Knowing me, it was probably my afternoon nap. Those can be pretty epic. Finally, I asked to dream about a specific type of animal that I don’t normally encounter because of geographic considerations. I figured it was a test to see if it worked to steer my dreams.
Well this morning I can report that I have forgotten what my proposed dream animal was, but I’m sure if it had showed up it would have triggered me. Maybe it appeared in one of the dreams that we all inevitably lose to the REM cycles that don’t wake us.
Generally, I slept like a colick baby, up every hour and pissed off about it. The only dream I remember from the night was devastating personally, so I don’t want to describe it. I probably dreamed it around 2 a.m., ruminated on it for half an hour, got up to pee, got back to sleep around 3. Woke up at 4 with no new dream but still stuck ruminating on the horrible 2 am dream. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Just started the second half of my bacon burrito after a quick chat with the coffee shop’s baker, who has been delightfully creative over this holiday season. The seductive little bakery case next to the cash register often diverts me from my relatively healthy breakfast burrito plans in favor of whatever seasonal delight is staring me down from behind the glass.
Nearing completion of my first round of gift gathering for Christmas. My nibblings showing up late for Christmas this year so they’re getting discounted stuff. Better gifts for them. Less pre-holiday stress for finding their gifts. My brother has a birthday coming up, and I have a great idea – good idea? – about what I want to give him, but it’s a custom piece that is proving troubling to produce in time. Maybe next year.